idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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