At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
