My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
