when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
