well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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