well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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