Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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