It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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