I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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