Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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