It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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