Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
