FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
