as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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