I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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