Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
