By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
