I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
