I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
