i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
