I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
