I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
