I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
