Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
