i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
