bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wear drunk well.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
