Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
