I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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