I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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