There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
