I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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