my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
