ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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