the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
