...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize