You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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