Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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