Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
