Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
