In the future we'll all be gay
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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