I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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