My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
