just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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