just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
