I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
