We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
