I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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