wat bout pragnant strippers??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
