I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
