I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
