Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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