He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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