Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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