Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
