Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?