he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.