The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA