Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way