Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.