grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
