i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
