Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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