are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
