I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
