Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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