it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
