i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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