Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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