Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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