I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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