you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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