I want to make a zoo with you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
